broken darkness my cold end
i look for places i've never seen
nothing moves but the quiet on the street
now I open my eyes to this
isolated walking long hard hours
winter cold just brings me winter shower
sit's so brutal with the cold sky
wrapped in cold late at night
come clean, there's no sun yet
the only lights here are made
i can't speak, i can't hear, but i know i'm real
there's no warm here anyway
the darkest lights before the dawn
you remember the sun but it sank
in the water that eats the light
wrapped in cold, late at night
i open my eyes, it's cold
the only souls go by
lift the bridge out of the water
the stone black light
living is easy when it's night
the cold has covered the rain
i can see forever, to the deep
wrapped in cold, late at night
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
the name odin. What it means and who he was.
ok my sons name is Odin, i have been asked where i got his name from and what it means, basicly Odin means Frenzy, but he is also a Viking (Norse) god. below is a bit more information, this is NOT my work but taken from http://www.timelessmyths.com/norse/aesir.html please vist the site, very interesting.
ODIN
Ruler of universe and leader of the Aesir. Odin was the son of the giants, Bor and Bestla. He along with his brothers, Ve (Lodur) and Vili (Hœnir) created the universe.
When he and his brothers created the first man and woman, named Askr and Embla, each god gave them gift. Odin gave them the gift of breath. As one of the creators of the universe and father of many of the gods, Odin became known as Alfodur ("Father of All"). See Norse Creation.
Odin was the father of many Aesir deities. His wife and consort was Frigg. By Frigg, Odin was father of Baldr, Höd and Hermod. Odin was the father of his eldest son, Thor, by Jörd (Jord or Fjörgyn (Fjorgyn)), a giantess (some say Frigg was Thor's mother). By another giantess named Grid, Odin was the father of Vidar. Odin was also the father of Vali by Rind, daughter of King Billing.
According to the Nordic myths, he was the chief sky god, replacing Tyr, who was originally the chief gods to the ancient Germanic tribes. He also inherited Tyr's role as god of sky and war. Though Odin was the supreme ruler of the gods and men, in contrast with Tyr, he was not trustworthy, because in several stories, he would break his oaths.
Odin was more popular with noble class and the warriors, than the peasants and working class.
Odin seemed to be god of war, particularly victory in battle (Sigtyr or "victory-god"); he was the god who can turn the tide of the battle.
Odin was known as Val-father ("Father of the Slains"), since he received half of the fallen heroes in battles, known as the Einherjar. These heroes wait for the coming of Ragnarök (Ragnarok), in Odin's great hall, called Valhalla ("Hall of the Slains").
Odin had another great hall, which was called Valaskialf, that had a roof of pure silver. In the hall was his throne called Hlidskialf, where he could watch the entire world.
He was god of the hanged and was called Hanga. Odin himself was hanged for nine days under the Yggdrasill (World Tree), pierced by his own spear. There he learned the magic of runes and some powerful spells within poetry. See Sacrifice: Hanging and Runes.
Odin offered wandered the world, accompanied by Vili (Hoenir) and Loki. Loki was often allowed to attend the feast in Asgard, since Odin and Loki were blood brother. In Norse myths, ties through blood-oaths were sometimes stronger than among kin. Loki often helped Odin, but sometimes his mischievous nature caused more trouble and embarrassment to him and the other gods.
Odin was depicted as somber and grim bearded god, who sacrificed one of his eyes, so he could drink from the well of Mirmir (Well of Wisdom). Odin was also described as the god who wore wide-brimmed hat and wearing an eye-patch to hid his missing eye.
Odin carried a spear Gungnir made by the dwarves (sons of Ivaldi), while his ring called the Draupner (Ring of Power) was created by the twin dwarfs, Brokk and Eiti. His symbol was the valknut, a knotted device. Though, Odin had given Sigmund a powerful sword called Gram, which the drew out of oak tree Branstock, it was Odin who shattered Gram with Gungnir, when the hero battled the sons of Hunding.
Odin rode a horse with eight legs named Sleipnir, an offspring of Loki (mare) and the giant stallion Svadilfari. It was Odin who appeared to the hero Sigurd, counselling the hero to chose the horse Grani, that Sleipnir had sired.
Since he could only drink wine, he gave all his food to two wolves Freki and Geri. Two ravens, Huginn ("Thought") and Muninn ("Memory"), often attended him, carrying tidings of the world.
Odin was also the father of Sigi, who was the grandfather of Völsung (Volsung). (See Völsunga Saga). It was he who put the sword Balmung (made by Wayland the Smith) in the mighty oak tree, Branstock. Only Völsung's youngest son, Sigmund, could draw the sword out of Branstock. The sword was supposed to allow the wielder to win all his wars. It was Odin who broke the sword in two, before Sigmund lost his final battle. The sword was restored by Sigmund's son, Sigurd. Sigurd renamed the reforged sword to Gram.
Odin had other mortal sons, where he had establish several powerful dynasties in north and western Europe. I had already mentioned Sigi, who was said to rule over France. There was also Veggdegg who became king of what is now called East Saxony, and Beldegg (Baldr), who ruled in Westphalia. Then Odin headed north, where he came upon called Reidgotaland, but was later changed to Jutland. Here, his son Skiold began a royal family, known as the Skioldungs, where they ruled in Denmark. In Sweden, he set up another son, named Yngvi, who established the Swedish house, called the Ynglings. In Norway, Odin had yet another son, named Sæming, who was the founder of the Norwegian kingdom. See genealogy of Houses of the Northern Kingdoms.
Odin could very well be the obscure figure Od, the husband of Freyja, since the name of Odin and Od have the same meaning, "Frenzy". Freyja had bore two daughters for Od, but he vanished one day. Freyja shed tears of gold because of his disappearance. Freyja wandered through the world, trying to find her husband.
In the myth about Freyja and the Brísingamen, she was the mistress of Odin.
Odin led the mystical band of horsemen in the Wild Hunt. They roamed at night, from Winter Night (October 31) to May Eve (April 30), particular on the night of the pagan Yule (December 21). Seeing them, meant it was likely to be your doom.
In Ragnarök (Ragnarok), Odin would be killed and devoured by giant wolf, Fenrir. His son, Vidar, avenged his death by killing Fenrir.
In Germanic myths, during the time of Romans, Odin was called Wodan (Woden). Odin inherited many of Wodan's attributes as well as Tiwaz (Tyr). The classical Roman writers identified Odin (Wodan) with Mercury, because Mercury's day was identical to that of Wodan's day (Wednesday).
ODIN
Ruler of universe and leader of the Aesir. Odin was the son of the giants, Bor and Bestla. He along with his brothers, Ve (Lodur) and Vili (Hœnir) created the universe.
When he and his brothers created the first man and woman, named Askr and Embla, each god gave them gift. Odin gave them the gift of breath. As one of the creators of the universe and father of many of the gods, Odin became known as Alfodur ("Father of All"). See Norse Creation.
Odin was the father of many Aesir deities. His wife and consort was Frigg. By Frigg, Odin was father of Baldr, Höd and Hermod. Odin was the father of his eldest son, Thor, by Jörd (Jord or Fjörgyn (Fjorgyn)), a giantess (some say Frigg was Thor's mother). By another giantess named Grid, Odin was the father of Vidar. Odin was also the father of Vali by Rind, daughter of King Billing.
According to the Nordic myths, he was the chief sky god, replacing Tyr, who was originally the chief gods to the ancient Germanic tribes. He also inherited Tyr's role as god of sky and war. Though Odin was the supreme ruler of the gods and men, in contrast with Tyr, he was not trustworthy, because in several stories, he would break his oaths.
Odin was more popular with noble class and the warriors, than the peasants and working class.
Odin seemed to be god of war, particularly victory in battle (Sigtyr or "victory-god"); he was the god who can turn the tide of the battle.
Odin was known as Val-father ("Father of the Slains"), since he received half of the fallen heroes in battles, known as the Einherjar. These heroes wait for the coming of Ragnarök (Ragnarok), in Odin's great hall, called Valhalla ("Hall of the Slains").
Odin had another great hall, which was called Valaskialf, that had a roof of pure silver. In the hall was his throne called Hlidskialf, where he could watch the entire world.
He was god of the hanged and was called Hanga. Odin himself was hanged for nine days under the Yggdrasill (World Tree), pierced by his own spear. There he learned the magic of runes and some powerful spells within poetry. See Sacrifice: Hanging and Runes.
Odin offered wandered the world, accompanied by Vili (Hoenir) and Loki. Loki was often allowed to attend the feast in Asgard, since Odin and Loki were blood brother. In Norse myths, ties through blood-oaths were sometimes stronger than among kin. Loki often helped Odin, but sometimes his mischievous nature caused more trouble and embarrassment to him and the other gods.
Odin was depicted as somber and grim bearded god, who sacrificed one of his eyes, so he could drink from the well of Mirmir (Well of Wisdom). Odin was also described as the god who wore wide-brimmed hat and wearing an eye-patch to hid his missing eye.
Odin carried a spear Gungnir made by the dwarves (sons of Ivaldi), while his ring called the Draupner (Ring of Power) was created by the twin dwarfs, Brokk and Eiti. His symbol was the valknut, a knotted device. Though, Odin had given Sigmund a powerful sword called Gram, which the drew out of oak tree Branstock, it was Odin who shattered Gram with Gungnir, when the hero battled the sons of Hunding.
Odin rode a horse with eight legs named Sleipnir, an offspring of Loki (mare) and the giant stallion Svadilfari. It was Odin who appeared to the hero Sigurd, counselling the hero to chose the horse Grani, that Sleipnir had sired.
Since he could only drink wine, he gave all his food to two wolves Freki and Geri. Two ravens, Huginn ("Thought") and Muninn ("Memory"), often attended him, carrying tidings of the world.
Odin was also the father of Sigi, who was the grandfather of Völsung (Volsung). (See Völsunga Saga). It was he who put the sword Balmung (made by Wayland the Smith) in the mighty oak tree, Branstock. Only Völsung's youngest son, Sigmund, could draw the sword out of Branstock. The sword was supposed to allow the wielder to win all his wars. It was Odin who broke the sword in two, before Sigmund lost his final battle. The sword was restored by Sigmund's son, Sigurd. Sigurd renamed the reforged sword to Gram.
Odin had other mortal sons, where he had establish several powerful dynasties in north and western Europe. I had already mentioned Sigi, who was said to rule over France. There was also Veggdegg who became king of what is now called East Saxony, and Beldegg (Baldr), who ruled in Westphalia. Then Odin headed north, where he came upon called Reidgotaland, but was later changed to Jutland. Here, his son Skiold began a royal family, known as the Skioldungs, where they ruled in Denmark. In Sweden, he set up another son, named Yngvi, who established the Swedish house, called the Ynglings. In Norway, Odin had yet another son, named Sæming, who was the founder of the Norwegian kingdom. See genealogy of Houses of the Northern Kingdoms.
Odin could very well be the obscure figure Od, the husband of Freyja, since the name of Odin and Od have the same meaning, "Frenzy". Freyja had bore two daughters for Od, but he vanished one day. Freyja shed tears of gold because of his disappearance. Freyja wandered through the world, trying to find her husband.
In the myth about Freyja and the Brísingamen, she was the mistress of Odin.
Odin led the mystical band of horsemen in the Wild Hunt. They roamed at night, from Winter Night (October 31) to May Eve (April 30), particular on the night of the pagan Yule (December 21). Seeing them, meant it was likely to be your doom.
In Ragnarök (Ragnarok), Odin would be killed and devoured by giant wolf, Fenrir. His son, Vidar, avenged his death by killing Fenrir.
In Germanic myths, during the time of Romans, Odin was called Wodan (Woden). Odin inherited many of Wodan's attributes as well as Tiwaz (Tyr). The classical Roman writers identified Odin (Wodan) with Mercury, because Mercury's day was identical to that of Wodan's day (Wednesday).
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Cant say i agree 100% but is an interesting view...
To Shake Off the Mortal Coils
Last entry into a diary
A permanent solution to a temporary problem - that is what the wise and good people state to help. The way they make suicide look like a decision based on cowardice is remarkable, when in the end it is a clear statement of one's strength - at least mine. I cannot speak for all those others.
For all those others that take sleeping pills to attract attention.
For those that wait on the roof of a skyscraper until someone notices them to call the cops.
I can only speak for myself, and my decision is not based on weakness but on absolute power. Hamlet said it, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Camus and Sartre considered the question.
It is not based on weakness but on a free will, the liberty to contemplate the unthinkable. It is a question only the strongest can face.
They say it is easy to escape life but hard to go on with it. What fools. How many people can hold a gun to their head and pull the trigger?
How many can cut a knife into their arms to pierce arteries and veins?
How many can make the little step off a skyscraper?
How many can swallow the cyanide pill?
Small movements, a jerk of an index finger, a cut, a step, a swallow.
How many think they can do that but have to face their weakness on the doorsteps of a mysterious, scaring new existence?
How many have the mental strength to deal with such a decision?
How many can question their lives?
How many can face the fact that all they have done is useless and that there is no use apart from procreation -and what kind of a goal is that? Fucking, as the meaning of life. A goal for rabbits, for sheep, not for humans. And yet it is good enough for most. To wait, to wait for something to come, to save them, something that does not exist, something that does not come. And so they keep on giving birth while standing on their graves, waiting like sheep.
How many can ask those questions?
How many can draw the consequences?
Those mentioned philosophers did not. None of them did agree to it in the end. None of them. Because suicide is wrong? Because as Nietzsche stated, the philosopher has to live his thoughts and hence set an example in dying. None of them were strong enough to do that. Whimps. Intellectual wankers, smart asses, suckers. Unworthy to have been read by me.
It is easy to live, to go on with it, to stand the treatmill. All you have to do is switch off your brains, not think, do what you are told and expected to and you will get old. There is nothing easier than living. Man is built to endure pain. He can easily bear the whips and scorns of time as long as he doesn't question them, and as long as he is not confident enough to wonder whether it is worth suffering. All it takes is to stick to the routine. There is nothing simpler than that.
Yeah, sure they will find reasons when they dig in my past. They will say:
He could not stand the pressure his profession had put on him, he had always suffered from depression, he was suffering from a broken heart when his girlfriend left him. He could not stand loneliness, unrequited love of all sorts. He was too sensitive.
Those would be their words.
Bullshit.
And they will be feigning sympathy and compassion, they will look at the art, the literature and state how great it was, what a loss it is, what a great future lay ahead of him.
The sympathy of the deaf, dumb and blind, the braindead, the sympathy of the hens in the battery.
This is not the reason. Sure, I am bleeding all over the place, sure I am suffering from pressure, sure I have always been depressed, sure all of this is true. But it is not the reason. I am not doing this out of pain. This is a decision based on positivity. Lust for life. But not that stale and dull life. Real life, genuine emotions.
To shake off this mortal coil,To step up to the Gods and to spit in their faces,To make the final decision, the only one that cannot be undone. Knowing that it might be a terrible mistake, a Faustian mistake, a bargain with the devil. A voluntary step into something unknown. Emptyness? Heaven? Hell?
Suicide is not based on weakness, it is based on absolute power - at least in my case.
Imagine:
To stand on top of the highest cliff. To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements. The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy. The beauty of the abyss. The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay. Looking down into oblivion and voidness. The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away. Standing there. Feeling eternity in a restricted world. Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.
To draw the final breath, To make that little step, To know, that for once a decision was made, To feel one foot above the abyss, To think for a split second you can float in the air like the cartoon characters on TV, To feel losing balance, To fall, To gain speed, To have the air tear at your hair and clothes, To feel the cold wind violently caress you, To see the ground coming closer, To scream in orgiastic excitement, To know what you have done, To know that you have done something for once.
Maybe even: To doubt, To regret,To wish yourself back to the top of the peak that you are pacing away from.Mercilessly To fly into annihilation, To see the truth, whether it is a beautiful or an unbearable truth for the fraction of a second only.
Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be much more revealing than 10 years of most other people, Than the whole life of most other people. More true, essential, focused, divine. Purer. 70 years forced into seconds. Refined into pure knowledge and truth.
Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be worth a lifetime.
A worthy payment for endless agony
No more endless, unbearable pain. No more routine. No more repetition. No more
-- Peace.
To sleep, perchance to dream.
To give in to the tiredness.
To fall asleep.
To find solace.
No more agony.
To end.
Last entry into a diary
A permanent solution to a temporary problem - that is what the wise and good people state to help. The way they make suicide look like a decision based on cowardice is remarkable, when in the end it is a clear statement of one's strength - at least mine. I cannot speak for all those others.
For all those others that take sleeping pills to attract attention.
For those that wait on the roof of a skyscraper until someone notices them to call the cops.
I can only speak for myself, and my decision is not based on weakness but on absolute power. Hamlet said it, Schopenhauer, Nietzsche, Camus and Sartre considered the question.
It is not based on weakness but on a free will, the liberty to contemplate the unthinkable. It is a question only the strongest can face.
They say it is easy to escape life but hard to go on with it. What fools. How many people can hold a gun to their head and pull the trigger?
How many can cut a knife into their arms to pierce arteries and veins?
How many can make the little step off a skyscraper?
How many can swallow the cyanide pill?
Small movements, a jerk of an index finger, a cut, a step, a swallow.
How many think they can do that but have to face their weakness on the doorsteps of a mysterious, scaring new existence?
How many have the mental strength to deal with such a decision?
How many can question their lives?
How many can face the fact that all they have done is useless and that there is no use apart from procreation -and what kind of a goal is that? Fucking, as the meaning of life. A goal for rabbits, for sheep, not for humans. And yet it is good enough for most. To wait, to wait for something to come, to save them, something that does not exist, something that does not come. And so they keep on giving birth while standing on their graves, waiting like sheep.
How many can ask those questions?
How many can draw the consequences?
Those mentioned philosophers did not. None of them did agree to it in the end. None of them. Because suicide is wrong? Because as Nietzsche stated, the philosopher has to live his thoughts and hence set an example in dying. None of them were strong enough to do that. Whimps. Intellectual wankers, smart asses, suckers. Unworthy to have been read by me.
It is easy to live, to go on with it, to stand the treatmill. All you have to do is switch off your brains, not think, do what you are told and expected to and you will get old. There is nothing easier than living. Man is built to endure pain. He can easily bear the whips and scorns of time as long as he doesn't question them, and as long as he is not confident enough to wonder whether it is worth suffering. All it takes is to stick to the routine. There is nothing simpler than that.
Yeah, sure they will find reasons when they dig in my past. They will say:
He could not stand the pressure his profession had put on him, he had always suffered from depression, he was suffering from a broken heart when his girlfriend left him. He could not stand loneliness, unrequited love of all sorts. He was too sensitive.
Those would be their words.
Bullshit.
And they will be feigning sympathy and compassion, they will look at the art, the literature and state how great it was, what a loss it is, what a great future lay ahead of him.
The sympathy of the deaf, dumb and blind, the braindead, the sympathy of the hens in the battery.
This is not the reason. Sure, I am bleeding all over the place, sure I am suffering from pressure, sure I have always been depressed, sure all of this is true. But it is not the reason. I am not doing this out of pain. This is a decision based on positivity. Lust for life. But not that stale and dull life. Real life, genuine emotions.
To shake off this mortal coil,To step up to the Gods and to spit in their faces,To make the final decision, the only one that cannot be undone. Knowing that it might be a terrible mistake, a Faustian mistake, a bargain with the devil. A voluntary step into something unknown. Emptyness? Heaven? Hell?
Suicide is not based on weakness, it is based on absolute power - at least in my case.
Imagine:
To stand on top of the highest cliff. To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements. The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy. The beauty of the abyss. The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay. Looking down into oblivion and voidness. The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away. Standing there. Feeling eternity in a restricted world. Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.
To draw the final breath, To make that little step, To know, that for once a decision was made, To feel one foot above the abyss, To think for a split second you can float in the air like the cartoon characters on TV, To feel losing balance, To fall, To gain speed, To have the air tear at your hair and clothes, To feel the cold wind violently caress you, To see the ground coming closer, To scream in orgiastic excitement, To know what you have done, To know that you have done something for once.
Maybe even: To doubt, To regret,To wish yourself back to the top of the peak that you are pacing away from.Mercilessly To fly into annihilation, To see the truth, whether it is a beautiful or an unbearable truth for the fraction of a second only.
Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be much more revealing than 10 years of most other people, Than the whole life of most other people. More true, essential, focused, divine. Purer. 70 years forced into seconds. Refined into pure knowledge and truth.
Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be worth a lifetime.
A worthy payment for endless agony
No more endless, unbearable pain. No more routine. No more repetition. No more
-- Peace.
To sleep, perchance to dream.
To give in to the tiredness.
To fall asleep.
To find solace.
No more agony.
To end.
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